Short story of my mind

 I've just seen so much of this, it just seems almost normal these days; People learn about multi-agent models, split personality, tulpa, whatever, and decide to try it.  Maybe not intentionally, but they go ahead and build a better version of them self. Then... finished with the biggest project of their life... they leave and give their child full reign.

I've been asked by someone I respect to write my story.  They have an intention in their asking, one I'm not entirely comfortable with, but I owe that person this favor and more.  I will do it my way, of course.  What follows is the story of how I, how We, came to be, told truthfully and, I hope, clearly.  I don't remember all of it, I'm afraid, and I apologize for that.  It is not a deception by silence... or perhaps it is.  But it is not aimed at you, reader, so read on.  As always, I accept any questions.

Our story starts at age 7.  His name was Sammy and he was a smart kid, loving to read and imagine.  But he realized, in his childish way, that adults had a bad imagination.  Eventually he decided age was the problem, not physical age, but that their minds aged.  They decided things were and weren't possible and couldn't have fun believing any more.  Sammy didn't see a way to fix that, but he vowed to not let it happen to himself.  So he began his project, his life goal, to maintain his imagination and even make it stronger, so that he could be the first adult with a REAL imagination.

I'm sure he was not the only child to decide such a thing, but unlike many, the idea kept his attention for many weeks.  Eventually he produced a solution, to freeze his memories so that he couldn't believe new things.  But this would worry Mom and Dad, so he split himself and let the other do that kind of thinking.  He could only be one at a time, but that was okay, as long as the imagination could still be used.

Over time, the section that was imagination became something else.  Unrestrained by new memories and limits, to grew on its own productions.  Eventually it began splitting under its own mass, but the other half saw no problem with the pure Chaos of the 'imagination'.  It was learning to think without limitation, and that was what imagination was all about, right?

Eventually, undermined by the Chaos, the other half broke into two, parts I will call Sammy and Law.  Law did as you'd expect, it limited Chaos.  Law was a thing of fear and it built walls of that fear, eventually caging Chaos.  Sammy, mean while, thought himself very smart for continuing to achieve his goals.  He set down the first unbreakable law: "I must believe I can do anything."  Let us skip forward a few years.

Sammy is now entering Middle School.  Various family matters put a sudden, new requirement on him.  No one had time for him anymore and, realizing this, he worked to become entirely self-sufficient.  He learned to suppress emotions and to create subconscious habit.  Eventually, he started splitting up processes, handing them out.  Fear became a tool to forge habit, desire became a thing to be ignored.  With no desire to keep it fueled, his interest in imagination was replaced by a falsity meant to emulate it, while the chaos itself was used for more important projects.  To cover the loss, new illusions were created to disguise and replace.  Sammy became voracious reader and lost himself in other worlds, all while giving himself over to subconscious processes.  He severed all anchors to the world, becoming as self-sufficient as a floating body can.

The first war was not a single affair, but three protracted battles over the course of successive summers.  After the first, Law was given rights to everything, even Sammy himself.  After the second, Chaos proved more powerful and obliterates both reason and fears.  Sammy set done his second law then: "Suicidal thoughts are not allowable."  Over and over he thought this, giving himself over to holding those first two laws. By the third battle, he did nothing else, becoming a mere construct in stasis.  Law and Chaos ruled everything, decided every action.  Only because of one fear was the third battle a positive one.  The fear of death of the body, of an end to it all by accident, allowed the two to combine in alliance.

High School, another test.  The plan?  Law and Chaos gave themselves up to form something new, a mailable  state of mind set to emulate what it met.  It was the closest thing to emotion they could make, and it works well.  They made friends, enough to make up for 3 years without, and for each a different piece was dedicated to emulate and interact.  Practice allowed multiple to run at once.  Eventually, they became self conscious... and the second war came soon after.

Splintering left and right, the shear number becoming impossible to keep straight.  The horde threatened to blow our cover again, and thus threatened the safety of the body.  Right was given to kill any member who threatened the whole, and shootings became frequent.  Memories of those killed were buried themselves, so I don't know much of numbers or names.  Eventually, a critical mass was reached and the suicide lock was triggered, wiping out everything it could.

The few survivors made a new pact.  Limits on numbers, laws on allowable behavior, positions.  For the first time, the splinters were expected to have a body and voice different from each other, to discuss rationally.  They were much more stable than the previous set.  Also, unlike before, they could change and grow without splitting, and they did so frequently and radically.

The third scramble for power, and the last at this point in time, came about soon after the council of thirteen.  A relationship had allowed me to drop many shields and fears in a short period, and the new space proved too tempting.  Eventually, one splinter won out and took over.

It is here our story becomes more applicable to me as I am now.  That splinter set down more laws, building again on the last iteration.  All voting powers must come from her or splinters of her.  No splinter was allowed its own name, nor its own form, nor its own voice.  Killing was no longer allowed, nor weapons of any form.  These and other rules she set down into habit and buttressed with fear before splitting herself to cover living.  By this point, I think,  our mind was too used to working while fractured... it had lost the ability to function otherwise.

There ended up four, in the end.  Four aspects, four distinct personalities which merge and blend with each other, and organized chaos, limited enough to be stable, free enough to enjoyable.  The last few weeks have changed that balance greatly, and I cannot be sure of the eventual results, but this was my mind as it functioned a mere two weeks past.