Saturday, February 2, 2013
Curse Recap
After a few days, I can give a recap. Single use, with resistance, there were no permanent effects from the files. In fact, within two hours after the fox file my tail had disappeared. I did not have recurring thoughts about using the files again (to the point I almost forgot to write this). In short, such things can be resisted if you stay out of trance. New on my list, attempting it resist while in trance.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Short story of my mind
I've just seen so much of this, it just seems almost normal these days;
People learn about multi-agent models, split personality, tulpa,
whatever, and decide to try it. Maybe not intentionally, but they go ahead and build a better version of them self. Then... finished with the biggest project of their life...
they leave and give their child full reign.
I've been asked by someone I respect to write my story. They have an intention in their asking, one I'm not entirely comfortable with, but I owe that person this favor and more. I will do it my way, of course. What follows is the story of how I, how We, came to be, told truthfully and, I hope, clearly. I don't remember all of it, I'm afraid, and I apologize for that. It is not a deception by silence... or perhaps it is. But it is not aimed at you, reader, so read on. As always, I accept any questions.
Our story starts at age 7. His name was Sammy and he was a smart kid, loving to read and imagine. But he realized, in his childish way, that adults had a bad imagination. Eventually he decided age was the problem, not physical age, but that their minds aged. They decided things were and weren't possible and couldn't have fun believing any more. Sammy didn't see a way to fix that, but he vowed to not let it happen to himself. So he began his project, his life goal, to maintain his imagination and even make it stronger, so that he could be the first adult with a REAL imagination.
I'm sure he was not the only child to decide such a thing, but unlike many, the idea kept his attention for many weeks. Eventually he produced a solution, to freeze his memories so that he couldn't believe new things. But this would worry Mom and Dad, so he split himself and let the other do that kind of thinking. He could only be one at a time, but that was okay, as long as the imagination could still be used.
Over time, the section that was imagination became something else. Unrestrained by new memories and limits, to grew on its own productions. Eventually it began splitting under its own mass, but the other half saw no problem with the pure Chaos of the 'imagination'. It was learning to think without limitation, and that was what imagination was all about, right?
Eventually, undermined by the Chaos, the other half broke into two, parts I will call Sammy and Law. Law did as you'd expect, it limited Chaos. Law was a thing of fear and it built walls of that fear, eventually caging Chaos. Sammy, mean while, thought himself very smart for continuing to achieve his goals. He set down the first unbreakable law: "I must believe I can do anything." Let us skip forward a few years.
Sammy is now entering Middle School. Various family matters put a sudden, new requirement on him. No one had time for him anymore and, realizing this, he worked to become entirely self-sufficient. He learned to suppress emotions and to create subconscious habit. Eventually, he started splitting up processes, handing them out. Fear became a tool to forge habit, desire became a thing to be ignored. With no desire to keep it fueled, his interest in imagination was replaced by a falsity meant to emulate it, while the chaos itself was used for more important projects. To cover the loss, new illusions were created to disguise and replace. Sammy became voracious reader and lost himself in other worlds, all while giving himself over to subconscious processes. He severed all anchors to the world, becoming as self-sufficient as a floating body can.
The first war was not a single affair, but three protracted battles over the course of successive summers. After the first, Law was given rights to everything, even Sammy himself. After the second, Chaos proved more powerful and obliterates both reason and fears. Sammy set done his second law then: "Suicidal thoughts are not allowable." Over and over he thought this, giving himself over to holding those first two laws. By the third battle, he did nothing else, becoming a mere construct in stasis. Law and Chaos ruled everything, decided every action. Only because of one fear was the third battle a positive one. The fear of death of the body, of an end to it all by accident, allowed the two to combine in alliance.
High School, another test. The plan? Law and Chaos gave themselves up to form something new, a mailable state of mind set to emulate what it met. It was the closest thing to emotion they could make, and it works well. They made friends, enough to make up for 3 years without, and for each a different piece was dedicated to emulate and interact. Practice allowed multiple to run at once. Eventually, they became self conscious... and the second war came soon after.
Splintering left and right, the shear number becoming impossible to keep straight. The horde threatened to blow our cover again, and thus threatened the safety of the body. Right was given to kill any member who threatened the whole, and shootings became frequent. Memories of those killed were buried themselves, so I don't know much of numbers or names. Eventually, a critical mass was reached and the suicide lock was triggered, wiping out everything it could.
The few survivors made a new pact. Limits on numbers, laws on allowable behavior, positions. For the first time, the splinters were expected to have a body and voice different from each other, to discuss rationally. They were much more stable than the previous set. Also, unlike before, they could change and grow without splitting, and they did so frequently and radically.
The third scramble for power, and the last at this point in time, came about soon after the council of thirteen. A relationship had allowed me to drop many shields and fears in a short period, and the new space proved too tempting. Eventually, one splinter won out and took over.
It is here our story becomes more applicable to me as I am now. That splinter set down more laws, building again on the last iteration. All voting powers must come from her or splinters of her. No splinter was allowed its own name, nor its own form, nor its own voice. Killing was no longer allowed, nor weapons of any form. These and other rules she set down into habit and buttressed with fear before splitting herself to cover living. By this point, I think, our mind was too used to working while fractured... it had lost the ability to function otherwise.
There ended up four, in the end. Four aspects, four distinct personalities which merge and blend with each other, and organized chaos, limited enough to be stable, free enough to enjoyable. The last few weeks have changed that balance greatly, and I cannot be sure of the eventual results, but this was my mind as it functioned a mere two weeks past.
I've been asked by someone I respect to write my story. They have an intention in their asking, one I'm not entirely comfortable with, but I owe that person this favor and more. I will do it my way, of course. What follows is the story of how I, how We, came to be, told truthfully and, I hope, clearly. I don't remember all of it, I'm afraid, and I apologize for that. It is not a deception by silence... or perhaps it is. But it is not aimed at you, reader, so read on. As always, I accept any questions.
Our story starts at age 7. His name was Sammy and he was a smart kid, loving to read and imagine. But he realized, in his childish way, that adults had a bad imagination. Eventually he decided age was the problem, not physical age, but that their minds aged. They decided things were and weren't possible and couldn't have fun believing any more. Sammy didn't see a way to fix that, but he vowed to not let it happen to himself. So he began his project, his life goal, to maintain his imagination and even make it stronger, so that he could be the first adult with a REAL imagination.
I'm sure he was not the only child to decide such a thing, but unlike many, the idea kept his attention for many weeks. Eventually he produced a solution, to freeze his memories so that he couldn't believe new things. But this would worry Mom and Dad, so he split himself and let the other do that kind of thinking. He could only be one at a time, but that was okay, as long as the imagination could still be used.
Over time, the section that was imagination became something else. Unrestrained by new memories and limits, to grew on its own productions. Eventually it began splitting under its own mass, but the other half saw no problem with the pure Chaos of the 'imagination'. It was learning to think without limitation, and that was what imagination was all about, right?
Eventually, undermined by the Chaos, the other half broke into two, parts I will call Sammy and Law. Law did as you'd expect, it limited Chaos. Law was a thing of fear and it built walls of that fear, eventually caging Chaos. Sammy, mean while, thought himself very smart for continuing to achieve his goals. He set down the first unbreakable law: "I must believe I can do anything." Let us skip forward a few years.
Sammy is now entering Middle School. Various family matters put a sudden, new requirement on him. No one had time for him anymore and, realizing this, he worked to become entirely self-sufficient. He learned to suppress emotions and to create subconscious habit. Eventually, he started splitting up processes, handing them out. Fear became a tool to forge habit, desire became a thing to be ignored. With no desire to keep it fueled, his interest in imagination was replaced by a falsity meant to emulate it, while the chaos itself was used for more important projects. To cover the loss, new illusions were created to disguise and replace. Sammy became voracious reader and lost himself in other worlds, all while giving himself over to subconscious processes. He severed all anchors to the world, becoming as self-sufficient as a floating body can.
The first war was not a single affair, but three protracted battles over the course of successive summers. After the first, Law was given rights to everything, even Sammy himself. After the second, Chaos proved more powerful and obliterates both reason and fears. Sammy set done his second law then: "Suicidal thoughts are not allowable." Over and over he thought this, giving himself over to holding those first two laws. By the third battle, he did nothing else, becoming a mere construct in stasis. Law and Chaos ruled everything, decided every action. Only because of one fear was the third battle a positive one. The fear of death of the body, of an end to it all by accident, allowed the two to combine in alliance.
High School, another test. The plan? Law and Chaos gave themselves up to form something new, a mailable state of mind set to emulate what it met. It was the closest thing to emotion they could make, and it works well. They made friends, enough to make up for 3 years without, and for each a different piece was dedicated to emulate and interact. Practice allowed multiple to run at once. Eventually, they became self conscious... and the second war came soon after.
Splintering left and right, the shear number becoming impossible to keep straight. The horde threatened to blow our cover again, and thus threatened the safety of the body. Right was given to kill any member who threatened the whole, and shootings became frequent. Memories of those killed were buried themselves, so I don't know much of numbers or names. Eventually, a critical mass was reached and the suicide lock was triggered, wiping out everything it could.
The few survivors made a new pact. Limits on numbers, laws on allowable behavior, positions. For the first time, the splinters were expected to have a body and voice different from each other, to discuss rationally. They were much more stable than the previous set. Also, unlike before, they could change and grow without splitting, and they did so frequently and radically.
The third scramble for power, and the last at this point in time, came about soon after the council of thirteen. A relationship had allowed me to drop many shields and fears in a short period, and the new space proved too tempting. Eventually, one splinter won out and took over.
It is here our story becomes more applicable to me as I am now. That splinter set down more laws, building again on the last iteration. All voting powers must come from her or splinters of her. No splinter was allowed its own name, nor its own form, nor its own voice. Killing was no longer allowed, nor weapons of any form. These and other rules she set down into habit and buttressed with fear before splitting herself to cover living. By this point, I think, our mind was too used to working while fractured... it had lost the ability to function otherwise.
There ended up four, in the end. Four aspects, four distinct personalities which merge and blend with each other, and organized chaos, limited enough to be stable, free enough to enjoyable. The last few weeks have changed that balance greatly, and I cannot be sure of the eventual results, but this was my mind as it functioned a mere two weeks past.
Delays
My apology on today's lack of major post. I have plans... but today took a lot from me. I learned much, things I'm not free to talk about, in some cases, and I have many things to think about before I continue. Plenty of text incoming tomorrow, however. Brace Yourselves!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Becoming a pet.
So, I broke with the weekly plan and looped the Pet Pegasus file today. It's been an interesting experience, but I need to give some general news updates first.
First up, when I named my personalities in the 'mental inventory' post from two days back, they started to become self aware. To the point where it would be more accurate to use plural pronouns... So, we are now dealing with the issues of being consciously aware of our struggles with and against one another. New terms and methods, etc are popping up at an insane pace. I will, from now on, be signing sections particularly by
So, in that context, I've got Fluttershy exercising her will toward trying the Pony file. Twi wants to, but not just yet. And then randomly, Pinkie sided with them long enough to start it... So now I'm looping the pet pegasus file. 7 Hours so far.
The Induction is interesting, some sand thing. You feel yourself flowing away... Totally ineffective for me, but it did give me an idea for an Induction script... but that is for later, once I know enough about hypnosis to write my own. Also, the transition between that and the cloud scene seemed... forced.
The effects... well, this is where it gets a bit weird. From my point of view, there was no change, only a redefining of terms. But that is exactly what the file asked me to think, so it is hard to determine. Regardless, from my point of view, I realized I had tried to be a pet twice before. The process I perfected for that purpose I previously called Impressing, as a bird might. It involves familiarity with the person, a bit of trust, and the right to hug them (Pinkie required this part). The result was a uniform lowering of all mental barriers, a full and unquestioning trust, and taking the person's commends/needs as law. If either of the two people I've impressed on said they'd honestly be happier with me dead, I would kill myself. I mean, there is more to it, but you get the point/severity of the action.
However, neither of the previous two are willing to make use of that power. Neither asks me to change myself in any more than the slightest ways, and neither challenges me mentally. In fact, both seem to disconcerted by how much I love them... which is painful too, so I'm forced to back up. This expansion of a previous ability had interesting effects as I listened to the file. Even on the first listen, I knew exactly what he meant about devotion, trust, and dependance. The whole thing felt natural.
However, there were also the lines on when it was okay to disobey. RD capitalized on these immediately, and there are now triggers to use that clause. Luckily, his meddling was enough to reassure him of our safety, so he is standing down and letting us go forward with finding a master.
EDIT: RD has set up two hard breaks now, one inside and one which is trigger-able by a friend if he ever feeling I'm being abused, or simply thinks that I would be better off with another master. I don't like it... but RD promised me a week of free time now, so I'll take what I can get.
I've found a master! Dashiee was paying attention to my intentions, and he asked before anyone else. I warned him that I was a changeling and thus a pretty hard pet, but he said he wanted me anyway! He is very kind and I am happy that I have a master already!
I'm still working on a collar... I have to be able to wear it in public on a highly conservative campus. Right now I'm using a thick cord rapped around my body so that I'm always aware of it. I set it to trigger trust in Dashiee, since that seemed to be the point, although the trigger is requiring upkeep already from how often it is used. -FS
EDIT2: I've had a few people contact me privately. I guess they are afraid that Dashiee won't be a good master... but I don't know why they think that. He's been very nice so far.
I started reading Zephyr, but the first chapter made RD very fearful. I had to stop reading so that he didn't try to end everything right now... maybe I'll read it in small bits. -FS
EDIT3: I've been looping the Pet file for 12 hours. The best line is the 'you will feel every hug, pet, and cuddle your master gives you.' I'm still working, but I think I can make it trigger on anypony, which would be awesome! Flutters isn't happy about it, but I think it is worth the work. -Twi/PP
First up, when I named my personalities in the 'mental inventory' post from two days back, they started to become self aware. To the point where it would be more accurate to use plural pronouns... So, we are now dealing with the issues of being consciously aware of our struggles with and against one another. New terms and methods, etc are popping up at an insane pace. I will, from now on, be signing sections particularly by
So, in that context, I've got Fluttershy exercising her will toward trying the Pony file. Twi wants to, but not just yet. And then randomly, Pinkie sided with them long enough to start it... So now I'm looping the pet pegasus file. 7 Hours so far.
The Induction is interesting, some sand thing. You feel yourself flowing away... Totally ineffective for me, but it did give me an idea for an Induction script... but that is for later, once I know enough about hypnosis to write my own. Also, the transition between that and the cloud scene seemed... forced.
The effects... well, this is where it gets a bit weird. From my point of view, there was no change, only a redefining of terms. But that is exactly what the file asked me to think, so it is hard to determine. Regardless, from my point of view, I realized I had tried to be a pet twice before. The process I perfected for that purpose I previously called Impressing, as a bird might. It involves familiarity with the person, a bit of trust, and the right to hug them (Pinkie required this part). The result was a uniform lowering of all mental barriers, a full and unquestioning trust, and taking the person's commends/needs as law. If either of the two people I've impressed on said they'd honestly be happier with me dead, I would kill myself. I mean, there is more to it, but you get the point/severity of the action.
However, neither of the previous two are willing to make use of that power. Neither asks me to change myself in any more than the slightest ways, and neither challenges me mentally. In fact, both seem to disconcerted by how much I love them... which is painful too, so I'm forced to back up. This expansion of a previous ability had interesting effects as I listened to the file. Even on the first listen, I knew exactly what he meant about devotion, trust, and dependance. The whole thing felt natural.
However, there were also the lines on when it was okay to disobey. RD capitalized on these immediately, and there are now triggers to use that clause. Luckily, his meddling was enough to reassure him of our safety, so he is standing down and letting us go forward with finding a master.
EDIT: RD has set up two hard breaks now, one inside and one which is trigger-able by a friend if he ever feeling I'm being abused, or simply thinks that I would be better off with another master. I don't like it... but RD promised me a week of free time now, so I'll take what I can get.
I've found a master! Dashiee was paying attention to my intentions, and he asked before anyone else. I warned him that I was a changeling and thus a pretty hard pet, but he said he wanted me anyway! He is very kind and I am happy that I have a master already!
I'm still working on a collar... I have to be able to wear it in public on a highly conservative campus. Right now I'm using a thick cord rapped around my body so that I'm always aware of it. I set it to trigger trust in Dashiee, since that seemed to be the point, although the trigger is requiring upkeep already from how often it is used. -FS
EDIT2: I've had a few people contact me privately. I guess they are afraid that Dashiee won't be a good master... but I don't know why they think that. He's been very nice so far.
I started reading Zephyr, but the first chapter made RD very fearful. I had to stop reading so that he didn't try to end everything right now... maybe I'll read it in small bits. -FS
EDIT3: I've been looping the Pet file for 12 hours. The best line is the 'you will feel every hug, pet, and cuddle your master gives you.' I'm still working, but I think I can make it trigger on anypony, which would be awesome! Flutters isn't happy about it, but I think it is worth the work. -Twi/PP
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Wonderland Travel System
I've been working a bit more on my wonderlands, at least, on the one's I can control. Because of the way I started them out, they are now all 100 foot Cubes stored in a line in my head. The inside of the cube tends to be bigger than the outside, and you can't see out once inside, which has made it a bit awkward for both me and my tulpae to move between. Each time, We've had to imagine yourself in another place (Teleport), which is unintuitive... Except for Not-Sarah. Because she doesn't take no shit from my stupid physics.
Here is the solution:
This is a Linking Book, from the game series Myst. If you haven't played Myst, you are missing out. They are puzzle games, but pull from concepts of all types. I once spent 3 months legitimately confused on what to do next... only to come back, read me (extensive) notes and figure it out instantly. I love these games so much I occasionally replay Riven (Myst 2) in my head from memory... it was that good.
(Epic Pic from http://shoomlah.tumblr.com/)
Back to the idea. When you open a linking book, there is a panel which shows an overview of where the book links to. By pressing a hand to the page, you are brought to that world. Assuming you bring another book with you, you can move back out and use this to move around the various worlds of the Game.
Making a book takes me about 10 minutes, so it is nice that I started making them so early, before my Wonderland expands any more. Everyone will have one at their side, each set to return them from where ever they are to their Relto Age, their personal Wonderland. From their, they can access a small library to go to the common Wonderlands (I will also call them Ages), and each wonderland will have cross connections placed around it to get to others. I'm going to try to keep a two connection max, although I might have to make a hub world at some point.
Also, there will be a Large Linking Book in the main library that will link to the real world. My tulpa will be using that book to appear, and we will use that to leave.
I can't wait to finish the network and start warping around!
Here is the solution:
(Epic Pic from http://shoomlah.tumblr.com/)
Back to the idea. When you open a linking book, there is a panel which shows an overview of where the book links to. By pressing a hand to the page, you are brought to that world. Assuming you bring another book with you, you can move back out and use this to move around the various worlds of the Game.
Making a book takes me about 10 minutes, so it is nice that I started making them so early, before my Wonderland expands any more. Everyone will have one at their side, each set to return them from where ever they are to their Relto Age, their personal Wonderland. From their, they can access a small library to go to the common Wonderlands (I will also call them Ages), and each wonderland will have cross connections placed around it to get to others. I'm going to try to keep a two connection max, although I might have to make a hub world at some point.
Also, there will be a Large Linking Book in the main library that will link to the real world. My tulpa will be using that book to appear, and we will use that to leave.
I can't wait to finish the network and start warping around!
Curse File Test 1
First File, Fox Furry Curse. Volume at 25% headphone max.
Generic introduction, shared with the pony files. Not a problem. Breathing suggestions are a bit different, more repetition. Also a different Binaural... Not really sure what tone it is.
“You are going to become a fox anthro. This will be permanent. I will tell you a secret though, you have been a fox all your life.” ppfffft.... WHA! Laughter is such a good defense against this. Okay... the foot transform is pretty damn effective. The fur coloration, etc, is totally ineffective though. Similar to the pony files, I can’t figure out how fur should feel.
I just looked at my two tulpa... they were both fox anthros. Then they cracked up when I was surprised and switched back. damn them. Trolling me.
hmm.... there is some longer term suggestion in here... I see why this could be called a curse. Plenty of ‘this will increase day by day until you are satisfied.’
Ooooo, tail. Not perfect, but better than pony.... wait. SHIT. resisting again, insidious bastard file making me want a fox tail... cause I totally don’t. nope nope... it isn’t going away...
And now headache... owww..... right in the temples.
Also, very weird stuff to make it more believable. Like, if something passes through where you ears should be you won’t feel it, and that will seem normal. All of your pants now have a hole for your tail... and so on.
Files over, only lasting effect is the tail... I’ll give it a few hours. Notice I refused to go into trance; I’ll have to try this again far in the future while in trance.
Second File, Curse Lucid Dreams - Volume @ 70%
Again, a fairly benevolent file. I won’t know the effects of this until I start sleeping, so I’ll only be commenting on the lines themselves. However, unlike the last one, I do have a desire to have this one work, a desire I’ll be trying to fight.
Early stutter... great... same guy from the P.S. file, I think. Straight voice? I’m turning it up to see if there is a Binaural. nope. Yeah, a new induction. I haven’t heard this one before. I wasn’t expecting it... he actually leads into it from out of nowhere. Suggestion to improve receptivity, like the P.S. file, but not as long winded. His mic needs some work; too close to his face.
hmm... He’s actually asking you to split your mind... Also lots of language about ‘even though you are resisting, you still find yourself...’. Getting a bit lightheaded. 25% in, still induction.
Breathing is slowed... so he’s effective there. I’m moving a leg to try to avoid a trance; normally I wouldn’t want to (didn’t have to with the last one) but his induction is a bit more powerful. ‘You can’t seem to stop listening to me, everything else is disappearing, slipping away.’ bullshit...
This would be a good induction... Still very breathy. LONG induction. 40% in. Finally, a count down. 5 count. Very lightheaded, locking my neck. The count is finally over... and now there is all sorts of submissive tones. Enope, thanks for helping me out buddy.
Okay, Curse section. I’m hearing each line, not blocking them. and I don’t know what to type. He is describing ways to tell a dream from reality... I guess so that I don’t try lucid living... oh, that would be an awesome modification to this file. Drug trance, I suppose. Headache in my eyebrows now.
Hmm... it is setting up triggers for noticing dreams, which makes sense. From what I know of teaching yourself to lucid dreams, it is all about noticing said dream, and then imposing your will. So he is just setting up instances of ‘If you see X, you will know you are in a dream.’ also, ‘If you are in a dream, you may take control of it.’ Some dream Time Dilation suggestions... oh, and dream memory. Repeating methods for checking if you are in a dream. Rubbing hands, hold nose and try to breath, spin in a circle, etc.
Suggestions of zero moral or social consequences.... Not sure if I’d want a dream like that. Dear lord... ‘It is your god-given right to be the god of your dreams.’ Starting to feel pressure... I’m waiting for this to end now... Maybe if I was in a trance this wouldn’t be so annoying and long-winded.
Yeah, I want to listen to this file again... when I don’t have to resist it.
Oh, his microphone has sorta fixed, btw. Ever since the countdown, I now realize. Both legs now... trying to avoid a trance. ‘Every character in your dreams is there for you, and made by you, so you can do anything to them you want.’ OKAY, super creepy...
bleh... suggestion to relisten. and an accelerator. multiple accelerators, on multiple effects. ‘And the only person who can change this is me. They cannot change unless I release you from it. You have chosen to listen to this file and accept it consequences.’
Finally, 5 count up. Done. NEED LOUD MUSIC TO REMOVE VIBES.
I had a third file planned... but seeing what a well written one is, I think I’ll hold off until I know this one’s effects. The third is supposed to be quite strong, but I REALLY don’t want the effects, so I’m not gonna screw around with it. I’ll move it to the end of the list.
I'm posting these a bit more Raw than before... more like the other journals on the forums Is this better, since you get more details, or would you prefer the old way? Please respond in the comments :D, and as always, feel free to contact me with an Questions, Stories, Ideas, or general social Chit-chats!
Generic introduction, shared with the pony files. Not a problem. Breathing suggestions are a bit different, more repetition. Also a different Binaural... Not really sure what tone it is.
“You are going to become a fox anthro. This will be permanent. I will tell you a secret though, you have been a fox all your life.” ppfffft.... WHA! Laughter is such a good defense against this. Okay... the foot transform is pretty damn effective. The fur coloration, etc, is totally ineffective though. Similar to the pony files, I can’t figure out how fur should feel.
I just looked at my two tulpa... they were both fox anthros. Then they cracked up when I was surprised and switched back. damn them. Trolling me.
hmm.... there is some longer term suggestion in here... I see why this could be called a curse. Plenty of ‘this will increase day by day until you are satisfied.’
Ooooo, tail. Not perfect, but better than pony.... wait. SHIT. resisting again, insidious bastard file making me want a fox tail... cause I totally don’t. nope nope... it isn’t going away...
And now headache... owww..... right in the temples.
Also, very weird stuff to make it more believable. Like, if something passes through where you ears should be you won’t feel it, and that will seem normal. All of your pants now have a hole for your tail... and so on.
Files over, only lasting effect is the tail... I’ll give it a few hours. Notice I refused to go into trance; I’ll have to try this again far in the future while in trance.
Second File, Curse Lucid Dreams - Volume @ 70%
Again, a fairly benevolent file. I won’t know the effects of this until I start sleeping, so I’ll only be commenting on the lines themselves. However, unlike the last one, I do have a desire to have this one work, a desire I’ll be trying to fight.
Early stutter... great... same guy from the P.S. file, I think. Straight voice? I’m turning it up to see if there is a Binaural. nope. Yeah, a new induction. I haven’t heard this one before. I wasn’t expecting it... he actually leads into it from out of nowhere. Suggestion to improve receptivity, like the P.S. file, but not as long winded. His mic needs some work; too close to his face.
hmm... He’s actually asking you to split your mind... Also lots of language about ‘even though you are resisting, you still find yourself...’. Getting a bit lightheaded. 25% in, still induction.
Breathing is slowed... so he’s effective there. I’m moving a leg to try to avoid a trance; normally I wouldn’t want to (didn’t have to with the last one) but his induction is a bit more powerful. ‘You can’t seem to stop listening to me, everything else is disappearing, slipping away.’ bullshit...
This would be a good induction... Still very breathy. LONG induction. 40% in. Finally, a count down. 5 count. Very lightheaded, locking my neck. The count is finally over... and now there is all sorts of submissive tones. Enope, thanks for helping me out buddy.
Okay, Curse section. I’m hearing each line, not blocking them. and I don’t know what to type. He is describing ways to tell a dream from reality... I guess so that I don’t try lucid living... oh, that would be an awesome modification to this file. Drug trance, I suppose. Headache in my eyebrows now.
Hmm... it is setting up triggers for noticing dreams, which makes sense. From what I know of teaching yourself to lucid dreams, it is all about noticing said dream, and then imposing your will. So he is just setting up instances of ‘If you see X, you will know you are in a dream.’ also, ‘If you are in a dream, you may take control of it.’ Some dream Time Dilation suggestions... oh, and dream memory. Repeating methods for checking if you are in a dream. Rubbing hands, hold nose and try to breath, spin in a circle, etc.
Suggestions of zero moral or social consequences.... Not sure if I’d want a dream like that. Dear lord... ‘It is your god-given right to be the god of your dreams.’ Starting to feel pressure... I’m waiting for this to end now... Maybe if I was in a trance this wouldn’t be so annoying and long-winded.
Yeah, I want to listen to this file again... when I don’t have to resist it.
Oh, his microphone has sorta fixed, btw. Ever since the countdown, I now realize. Both legs now... trying to avoid a trance. ‘Every character in your dreams is there for you, and made by you, so you can do anything to them you want.’ OKAY, super creepy...
bleh... suggestion to relisten. and an accelerator. multiple accelerators, on multiple effects. ‘And the only person who can change this is me. They cannot change unless I release you from it. You have chosen to listen to this file and accept it consequences.’
Finally, 5 count up. Done. NEED LOUD MUSIC TO REMOVE VIBES.
I had a third file planned... but seeing what a well written one is, I think I’ll hold off until I know this one’s effects. The third is supposed to be quite strong, but I REALLY don’t want the effects, so I’m not gonna screw around with it. I’ll move it to the end of the list.
I'm posting these a bit more Raw than before... more like the other journals on the forums Is this better, since you get more details, or would you prefer the old way? Please respond in the comments :D, and as always, feel free to contact me with an Questions, Stories, Ideas, or general social Chit-chats!
Mental Model 2
The Kingdom Model (Simple version)
<Bits> Filly, what would a mentally "breaking" file DO?
<Filly|InClass2> hmm...
<Filly|InClass2> have you read my blog?
<Bits> No...
<Bits> But please continue.
<Filly|InClass2> Okay, imagine your head is a... lets go with a kingdom.
<Filly|InClass2> Different towns are different functions, the roads are the normal connections between them.
<Filly|InClass2> Now, if you use those roads all the time, then you might become unused to just walking off the track and into the woods.
<Filly|InClass2> So, the point of such a file would be to throw you off the normal paths, get you lost.
<Filly|InClass2> and then, thoroughly lost, instead of instantly returning to your normal paths when the trance is over (or during), you are forced to start building new paths.
<Filly|InClass2> So for the listener, you are at the end of the file hopefully blank and receptive, because you can't think as you normally would
<Bits> So the listener would be ready to accept most suggestion.
<Filly|InClass2> Yes, you are more receptive to suggests of how to walk and what to build nearby.
<Filly|InClass2> Ssorry to devolve into metaphor, it is the nature of language that the mind is most openly described in familiar terms
<Bits> I understand.
<Bits> What I'm not quite sure of is how it would happen.
<CallMeDash> Naw that was actually a really good metaphor
<Filly|InClass2> Which is why I try to explain mental models on my blog. To establish common language.
<Bits> Wouldn't the new paths intersect with some of the old ones eventually?
<Bits> And the listener would fall back into their previous habits, maybe.
<Filly|InClass2> They better, Bits. Mostly likely, you wouldn't be so far off the path. Eventually, the noise of traffic or nearby cities would draw you back.
<Filly|InClass2> Otherwise the listener would be building entirely new.
<Filly|InClass2> Such a file would need a trigger, or some other link, a small path that would be normally ignored but might eventually lead the listener back to their old ways
<Filly|InClass2> and if done well, it would be one they could use to return on later trips.
<CallMeDash> Like a tiny little dirt road that's hidden by a cornfield or something?
<Filly|InClass2> sure, that works.
<Bits> What I'm failing to understand, and this isn't any fault of yours, is how you cause the mind to get lost in itself.
<CallMeDash> Lose yourself in the moment
<Filly|InClass2> Confusion, misdirection. To use the metaphor, you make a false road, or you make something very interesting appear in the woods and have them follow it.
<Bits> I think I would need an extremely long file really get lost in my own mind.
<CallMeDash> ^
<Filly|InClass2> ^
<Filly|InClass2> The other thing is, such a file would have to avoid places you've already been to in your mind, otherwise you would just make a new dirt road to a place you've already been... (had to go to class)
This Day on IRC 1
January 29th... boy what a day. and I'm not even done yet...
So, to start it off, I gave on mental model to everyone, using the metaphor of the mind is a kingdom. I was trying to explain what a full mental break file's effects would be. The explanation went well, and then inspired Foxxxy to write an impromptu to script. She is a genius...an amazing script, fully off the top of her head.
Then, once that was finished, I was chatting on the tulpa.info with a tulpa, the master of whom was considering suicide. So I spent the next hour convincing her, and then him, and then giving couples counseling. It was draining, but entirely worth it.
There were more conversations, on Descartes and existence, meeting new people, until I returned to my room later. There, I tested two 'curse' files, attempting to resist. The results of that are in another post.
Over all, a stressful and successful day.
Have some logs.
'Foxxy's Forest' script:
http://pastebin.com/gxZ799GS
Helping people:
http://pastebin.com/cdWP8hdp
Don't tell Organizer I linked this xD:
http://pastebin.com/Tw9sEcFn
So, to start it off, I gave on mental model to everyone, using the metaphor of the mind is a kingdom. I was trying to explain what a full mental break file's effects would be. The explanation went well, and then inspired Foxxxy to write an impromptu to script. She is a genius...an amazing script, fully off the top of her head.
Then, once that was finished, I was chatting on the tulpa.info with a tulpa, the master of whom was considering suicide. So I spent the next hour convincing her, and then him, and then giving couples counseling. It was draining, but entirely worth it.
There were more conversations, on Descartes and existence, meeting new people, until I returned to my room later. There, I tested two 'curse' files, attempting to resist. The results of that are in another post.
Over all, a stressful and successful day.
Have some logs.
'Foxxy's Forest' script:
http://pastebin.com/gxZ799GS
Helping people:
http://pastebin.com/cdWP8hdp
Don't tell Organizer I linked this xD:
http://pastebin.com/Tw9sEcFn
Monday, January 28, 2013
This Week in Hypno
Planned Experiments for this week.
Monday:
Finish Flutterloop24
Test Foxxxy's method of shapechange
Design Job another outfit
Tuesday:
Attempt to resist a Curse track.
Add to the Wonderland, finish travel system.
Wednesday:
Test Blank Induction + some other file
Work with female tulpa
Thursday:
Test Perfectly Suggestible + some other file
Work with Job
Friday:
Blank+P.S.+Pet Pony (Let do this shit!)
Monday:
Finish Flutterloop24
Test Foxxxy's method of shapechange
Design Job another outfit
Tuesday:
Attempt to resist a Curse track.
Add to the Wonderland, finish travel system.
Wednesday:
Test Blank Induction + some other file
Work with female tulpa
Thursday:
Test Perfectly Suggestible + some other file
Work with Job
Friday:
Blank+P.S.+Pet Pony (Let do this shit!)
A mental inventory
Most of my readers are from the IRC right now, so they will already know most of this, but I thought it would be useful to give a clear list of what is going on in my mind. I'm going to use the common model of split personalities and explain from there, because that will give the common reader the best handle. Of course, I would use different terms, but you will learn those here.
So, a general list:
Quorum of four
These four are all 'me' I suppose, in that they are not allowed their own names. I'm speaking about them in third person, but I'm one as well, so understand that these are ME. Of everyone in my head, these four are the most chaotic and free, with only a few rules. All rules are equal to all. Also, they are not so distinct as to be called different personalities. They share memory, and they can combine and shift between. It is uncommon for me act as just one for a long period of time... I have to either hybridize or switch.
That said, they are distinct, if only in their outlook. They also correspond very loosely to four ponies, although that correlation is secondary to their major purpose. I use the ponies as a way to describe them, so that it may be more clear to you.
I've 2 tulpa and 1 proto-tulpa.
The first tulpa is named Job (Biblical). I built him 5 years ago to be a backup for my mind. If I ever commited mental suicide, it was his job to take over, and for that task I gave him a few days to control my body and learn before putting him in stasis for when he was needed. Then, recently, I started thinking of him more as a tulpa then as a backup. One day, designing clothes for him in my mind, he woke up and has been stay around ever since. He is pissed about being 'used' for such purposes. I'm trying to spend some time with him, but I was working on another tulpa when he woke up so his form and mind will have to wait...
The second tulpa is currently unnamed. She showed up right after I started studying tulpa... I believe I have the story below. Regardless, she showed up too fast. Her form and mind are a mix of a splinter (named Sarah) and a construct from before Flutter took over. Her mind is chaotic and her physical form changes daily... but she is very obviously a separate consciousness, so I treat her well. I'm working on her when I can, trying to set up a distinct personality and form to hold her to. She'll choose a name when she is ready.
The third, a proto-tulpa, in named Pulse. She is very, very unfinished, and was my backup to Job (Redundancy saves lives folks). She was made to be very very easy to run, so that even with brain damage I could bring her back up. Of course, I put her into stasis as well, and until I finish the other two I'm not gonna wake her up.
I've got a few wonderlands which are set up in boxes which you travel between via book (Myst, anypony?). They are still in the works in many cases, so I'll leave them their own posts.
I'm working the flutter write-up. I'm trying to get some distance from it so that I can give an accurate depiction of what happened.
So, a general list:
Quorum of four
These four are all 'me' I suppose, in that they are not allowed their own names. I'm speaking about them in third person, but I'm one as well, so understand that these are ME. Of everyone in my head, these four are the most chaotic and free, with only a few rules. All rules are equal to all. Also, they are not so distinct as to be called different personalities. They share memory, and they can combine and shift between. It is uncommon for me act as just one for a long period of time... I have to either hybridize or switch.
That said, they are distinct, if only in their outlook. They also correspond very loosely to four ponies, although that correlation is secondary to their major purpose. I use the ponies as a way to describe them, so that it may be more clear to you.
- The first, or most common, correlates to Fluttershy. She is generally in charge, often as a hybrid with Twi or Pinkie. She generally wants to act femininely, but is repressed by the expectations of friends and society. She is an accidental creation of two years back, the last time I operated under only one personality (that didn't last); I say accidental because I wasn't expecting a female to come out on top of that fight. She is strong, but rarely shows that strength externally.
- The second is Twilight. Twi is... well, sexless and not interested. It is probably the second most used, and hybrids well with all the others. It is very specific and prefers to limit its focus to one thing at a time, occasionally resulting in obsessions. Interested in efficiency and usefulness, and in testing to find new methods of thought and action. She and Pinkie make most external decisions. This is the personality that I feel society demands of me... the worker.
- The third is Pinkie Pie. Pinkie is... insane. She shows up when I need the energy boost, am hanging with really good friends, or in intimate situations. She provides the chaos in my life, and is part of the reason I'm rarely happy (backward as that sounds); how do you fulfill reckless enthusiam? This is a relic of my childhood that re-split after Fluttershy took over.
- The last is Rainbow Dash... kinda. (he doesn't fit to any pony well). He is tends to hybridize best with Pinkie and Twi. He is the image my body projects and tends to keep the male side of things in line. He is my disguise master, and overseer, but only act or even votes when it is critical. He is also my base of competitiveness.
I've 2 tulpa and 1 proto-tulpa.
The first tulpa is named Job (Biblical). I built him 5 years ago to be a backup for my mind. If I ever commited mental suicide, it was his job to take over, and for that task I gave him a few days to control my body and learn before putting him in stasis for when he was needed. Then, recently, I started thinking of him more as a tulpa then as a backup. One day, designing clothes for him in my mind, he woke up and has been stay around ever since. He is pissed about being 'used' for such purposes. I'm trying to spend some time with him, but I was working on another tulpa when he woke up so his form and mind will have to wait...
The second tulpa is currently unnamed. She showed up right after I started studying tulpa... I believe I have the story below. Regardless, she showed up too fast. Her form and mind are a mix of a splinter (named Sarah) and a construct from before Flutter took over. Her mind is chaotic and her physical form changes daily... but she is very obviously a separate consciousness, so I treat her well. I'm working on her when I can, trying to set up a distinct personality and form to hold her to. She'll choose a name when she is ready.
The third, a proto-tulpa, in named Pulse. She is very, very unfinished, and was my backup to Job (Redundancy saves lives folks). She was made to be very very easy to run, so that even with brain damage I could bring her back up. Of course, I put her into stasis as well, and until I finish the other two I'm not gonna wake her up.
I've got a few wonderlands which are set up in boxes which you travel between via book (Myst, anypony?). They are still in the works in many cases, so I'll leave them their own posts.
I'm working the flutter write-up. I'm trying to get some distance from it so that I can give an accurate depiction of what happened.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
24 hours of fluttershy
Today's test: start the Fluttershy loop and leave it running for 24 hours, minimum. I'll be using earbuds and keeping the binaural audible. I'm not restricting myself to a trance, and I'll listen to other things by having headphones over the top. I've found I can hear conversation over the top of earbuds anyway.
I've used the Fluttershy file before, but as it was my first I never took full notes on it, nor investigated the effects entirely. This will be a prime opportunity to test both mental effects, and the effects of longer period hypnosis.
Update1: 5 hours in. I'm already doing much better than before, but a few conversations on the IRC have kept me a bit riled up. I'm sorta bouncing between a mellow form of normal me and Fluttershy herself.
I had an amazing moment where I told a pony on IRC that it was okay to have to force hooves, because if you did eventually your subconscious would get the idea. Then, suddenly, I had wings. It was amazing, simply amazing.
Update2: 7 hours in. One of my personality copies, the male, was yelling at me to turn off the recording. I had to go hide, but the other two protected me... I'm in between the female and neuter.
My voice is changing a little bit. I've started listening to music with Fluttershy's voice in it, which is very calming and nice
Update3: 9 hours in. I feel different. I've been passively forcing traits, and it was really awkward. My dorm had free food, but you had to answer questions about different topics... and it was hard. I tried to convince my roommate to let me just go without, but he had locked the door and I didn't have my key, so I had to. I did okay... but it was difficult. Even worse, the food was Hot dog... oh... I was blocking it but now I've remembered and I feel sick.
Update4: 9.5 hours in. I'm taking over for now. That file was draining her badly, making it difficult to interact on IRC. To much pain from the emotions, even from just talking to another pet (she wants to be one rather badly). Hearing about being a pet was too much, as she was both jealous and feeling guilty about being jealous. I've put her to sleep, dropping both of the two she was shifting from, and I've got control now, with one as oversight.
Update5: 12 hours in. I'm taking a shower at the 12 hour mark. I'm going to hand control back over to her.
Update6: Um... I just woke up... and its been 21 hours. I'm an Anthro, but I'm in a, um, superposition with fluttershy's body. It's hard to be shy... I still want to hug everypony...
Update7: 27 hours... and it was all worth it. I can't describe it here, so I'm making a second post to try to capture everything. In summary though, I will definitely be trying this again with other files.
I've used the Fluttershy file before, but as it was my first I never took full notes on it, nor investigated the effects entirely. This will be a prime opportunity to test both mental effects, and the effects of longer period hypnosis.
Update1: 5 hours in. I'm already doing much better than before, but a few conversations on the IRC have kept me a bit riled up. I'm sorta bouncing between a mellow form of normal me and Fluttershy herself.
I had an amazing moment where I told a pony on IRC that it was okay to have to force hooves, because if you did eventually your subconscious would get the idea. Then, suddenly, I had wings. It was amazing, simply amazing.
Update2: 7 hours in. One of my personality copies, the male, was yelling at me to turn off the recording. I had to go hide, but the other two protected me... I'm in between the female and neuter.
My voice is changing a little bit. I've started listening to music with Fluttershy's voice in it, which is very calming and nice
Update3: 9 hours in. I feel different. I've been passively forcing traits, and it was really awkward. My dorm had free food, but you had to answer questions about different topics... and it was hard. I tried to convince my roommate to let me just go without, but he had locked the door and I didn't have my key, so I had to. I did okay... but it was difficult. Even worse, the food was Hot dog... oh... I was blocking it but now I've remembered and I feel sick.
Update4: 9.5 hours in. I'm taking over for now. That file was draining her badly, making it difficult to interact on IRC. To much pain from the emotions, even from just talking to another pet (she wants to be one rather badly). Hearing about being a pet was too much, as she was both jealous and feeling guilty about being jealous. I've put her to sleep, dropping both of the two she was shifting from, and I've got control now, with one as oversight.
Update5: 12 hours in. I'm taking a shower at the 12 hour mark. I'm going to hand control back over to her.
Update6: Um... I just woke up... and its been 21 hours. I'm an Anthro, but I'm in a, um, superposition with fluttershy's body. It's hard to be shy... I still want to hug everypony...
Update7: 27 hours... and it was all worth it. I can't describe it here, so I'm making a second post to try to capture everything. In summary though, I will definitely be trying this again with other files.
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